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I was always raised in church and made a public committment to Christ at the age of 10; and was baptized shortly after that. While I never doubted that I was saved; I certainly did not always live the way I should have. Christ was not the center of my life.
When I was 28 years old; just two months shy of my 29th birthday; and with a 20 month old baby girl; I suddenly  had some strange symptoms. My feet were numb; then my whole lower torso. My balance was off. Had difficulty walking.
A few trips to the doc; an MRI; a myelogram and bingo! "you have MS." It was the most difficult time of my life. I remember telling my husband "I have to go back to church"; I can't handle this alone". We discovered a local church and began attending with our daughter. There is one thing about Jesus...He never leaves you; and if you walk away from Him; all you have to do is call on Him and He will be right where you left Him; waiting for you.
The next couple of years were very, very hard. I was struggling to raise my daughter, work part-time (RN) and even began taking some college courses to further my degree. My MS was very active; I had 6 major exacerbations in 18mths. and was treated with IV steroids 4 times. Some days I was so stressed/tired driving to work I would just want to give up; then I would notice that I could FEEL the presence of Jesus; in fact almost see Him. It was as though there was somebody else driving in the car beside me; walking in to work with me.
My FIL passed away the summer of 2000; after years of very poor health; then my daughter was only 2 1/2 years old. His one biggest fear was that his grandchildren would not remember him; because he knew they would be so young we he died. He would be very happy; I think, to know that Katie still talks about "Papaw R.C." to this day. She knows he is in heaven; an likes to talk about how he is no longer sick, and can walk again, and feels good again; and when she goes to heaven he will be able to play with her. Shortly after he died; Katie told me that her papaw talked to her; and he was very happy now. When I asked her what he said, she said "He sings to me; Jesus loves me". When I put her in her crib that night; I could hear her little voice singing "Jesus loves me" on the baby monitor. She probably would not have had this pure, innocent knowledge of Jesus, had we not started going back to church; had I not been diagnosed with MS.
I had two exacerbations very close together in the winter of 2000; in
October; then again in December. I started using a quad cane in December and had to quit both work and school; which was very difficult to accept at my age; I was approved for SSDI at the age of 31. After we started going back to church; and turned our lives back over to Christ; I encouraged others to join me at our new church; which I dearly love; it is truly anointed. My uncle came a few times; and accepted Christ that fall; around the time of my first exacerbation. He was 41; and everyone had been praying for him for years. He would never have gone to the services; had we not been going to this church; had I not invited him; had I not been diagnosed with MS.
Since then; 7 adults have joined this church (some already Christians) and three more have been saved; and accepted Christ into their hearts. Because they were invited to church; because I started going back; when I realized what...and Who...was most important in my life...when I was diagnosed with MS.
This has been a real struggle for me the last few years; and I now use an AFO on my right leg most of the time; along with my quad cane; and now a wheelchair or scooter for "distance". I think a lot of times we really aren't being truthful when we say "it doesn't really matter in this life"; because it does. It is often a bitter pill to swallow when your spasms are so bad you cannot undress yourself; and your husband must do if for you; after he manages to pick you up off the floor. When you are the only mother at preschool who uses a cane. When you miss out on activities because of the fatigue. But....the presence is still there; walking beside me. He never left.
One of my favorite Bible verses is Isaiah 40:28-31,
"Hast thou not known? has thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding; He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength; Even the youths shall faint and be weary; and the young men shall utterly fall;
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings of eagles; they shall run; and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
I am not saying that God is in any way responsible for problems or illness; but He does allow them to happen. What I am saying is that WE can use ANYTHING in our lives to honor and glorify Him; and He will never leave or forsake us. Their are people in my family right now who do not know Christ; and if it meant I would never walk again; starting right now; I would gladly do it; but I can't. The only chance they have is to do as I did; when I was 10 years old; turn their hearts over to Christ. What I can do is tell them what He has done for me; and continues to do every day; and can do for them.
I don't know what tomorrow holds for me; but I do know who holds tomorrow. Our ultimate hope...our ultimate promise...is given to us in Revelations 21:4:
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death; neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away."
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