To the “Board”

Hello everyone, I am new here. I have had MS for around 15 or 16 years, the first ten were not very pleasant. I grew up in Chicago and went to Catholic schools for the first twelve years. I can honestly say that I never had a relationship with the Lord. I moved to Arizona in 1983 and attended the University of Arizona. I was married in a Catholic ceremony in 1987. I was very much into sports, both playing them, coaching them, and watching them

In 1989 after getting hit in the face with a basketball my legs started to feel numb. For the next two years I went to at least 8 different neurologists who all told me it could be anything but it was not MS. After my fourth MRI, they told me I had MS. We had moved to Phoenix were my wife was an attorney and I had a very good computer job. We had no children, but we made tons of money and had lots of friends. I was fortunate to be picked to start Betaseron in 1993 and I could still play sports until about 1997. At this point in my life the Lord was an afterthought. In 1998 I started to run away as I got worse and I went to the world were all dreams can come true, the internet. Even as I got slower and weaker, while my wife had her own thing, and on the Internet I had mine. I was perfect there.

In 1999 I ran away from my job, my wife, my family, and my friends and I met up with a lady that I met on the internet who was not happy with her husband. She came out to live with me with her two children. It was great, I had a woman who loved me (so I thought) and an immediate family! The first month was great, I wasn't working, she wasn't working, and we just lived off my savings. Ah but then reality stepped in! I had to look at real life now, and it wasn't so pretty. At the end of the second month her husband came for her and her kids. I had divorced my wife thinking she would do the same, but not so true. When she left I was crushed! Devastated! Lost, lonely, sad, angry, miserable, and as far as I was concerned I had nothing to live for.

On Christmas day 1999 I put a gun in my mouth ...... sat there for what seemed like hours, but could not pull the trigger. I decided to try a Catholic church, but I walked out after ten minutes. During the next three months I tried out many different churches and settled on a non-denominational Christian church. But it was too large and no one seemed to notice or care about me. I loved the music, which was contemporary Christian Praise and Worship, but I wasn't connecting.

My body was feeling number and weaker everyday but I stayed on my Betaseron, which I took about 5 out of every ten times I should have. I tried a psychiatrist who wanted me on Prozac but I gave up on the drug and the psychiatrist after about a month. I stumbled into a church and I met a pastor who's wife was dying of cancer. He has three children as well, and yet he met me one day a week, every week for an hour, where he would answer my questions about God. Apparently during my twelve years of religion classes I did not learn a whole lot, either that or I was ignoring what I was taught. After about 4 months I was born again! My life had renewed meaning.

The first year of being a born again Christian was my hardest! I think the enemy had me at the top of his "get back" list and at every turn I was confronted by evil! I was fortunate to move to Colorado Springs and get reacquainted with my parents. Slowly I started apologizing to my friends and family. I wanted a job at a Christian organization but for some reason they were not gonna hire me at Focus on the Family. I applied there 5 times with no success. 5 thanks but no thanks letters.

When 9/11 occurred I was working for an investment banker who had to let me go soon after because their was no money coming in. I had met a girl at church who I was friends with and she came to my workplace where I was sitting at my desk crying. She read Jer. 29:11 to me. "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!" I could feel the Holy Spirit working inside of me. I reapplied the next week at Focus and was given a job. I was able to work there for 19 months before I could not work anymore.

In the mean time I got married to that woman and we have had a wonderful marriage. We have had our challenges and our ups and downs but God has always been there for us. Everytime we had some obstacle thrown in our way that I thought we would never get past it, God is awesome, and has always provided for us! My wife now works for Focus on the Family and she loves it there.

As for my MS, when I came to Colorado I did an antibody test and found out they were thru the roof! My doctor switched me to Copaxone but I was like on the downside of a hill and I kept getting worse. I took Novantrone for a year but that was so hard on me I had to stop taking that. I started taking Celexa for depression and what a difference that made. I most recently have been approved for Social Security Disability and just last week my doctor approved me for Tysabri, pending insurance. I can walk short distances but I fatigue very easily and I try to use an electric scooter when I can. I just last month started the MS / Lupus Fellowship and Hope Group and that has gone very well. God is our Hope! It wasn't until I was outside staring at the stars, I finally said okay God, I can't do it, its all yours! He has blessed me beyond belief! Ephesians 3:20 (NIV) "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."

Okay, I could talk forever or write forever but I will leave you with that. I think this group is a great idea and I know that there are many others out there like me who don't want to talk about or run away from their diagnosis!

I know that God is the only way I could have ever made it here! Thanks to all of you and I look forward to getting to know you.
 

God is good!
Mark