To the “Board”

How My Life Changed in a Blink of an Eye

I've never been good at the written word however given my current set of circumstances this is the best way to share my story.

I'll start off by saying that I gave my heart to Jesus when I was in the third grade.  But over the years I was like the prodigal son, only many times over.  I finally made a commitment to the Lord in my late twenties, not to say I didn't sin -I am ashamed of some of the choices I have made.  But God has restored me through the events of my life.

March 2007:  to give you some background, I was 47 yrs old and I considered my life to be normal and average, it had a hurry up and go sense about it....  but who's doesn't right?  My work schedule was much different than my husband's.  We saw each other very little, and I like to refer to us as two ships that pass in the night. I was a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and I was very, very strong minded. God had a place in my life – but I had Him very compartmentalized in my life.

Then it happened.  Multiple Sclerosis.  They say MS is like a snowflake, it never affects two people the same.

For about a week - 10 days I was having trouble with my speech, my writing was off, and I felt foggy - like I had taken a mild pain pill.  Long story very short, about 10 minutes after crawling into bed and became completely paralyzed on my right side.  Verbally I could only manage the word ' yes ', even though I could think of other words. Additionally, the right side of my throat wouldn't work making swallowing difficult.

My husband took me to the ER to see the neurologist that I had seen two days previous.  When the doctor said he'd have to admit me, strangely that was the first time I really felt fear, it was the first time I felt I wasn't in control.

God has a way of letting you know that you are NEVER in control! I was in St. John's for 7 days on steroids and IVIG.  When there was no improvement, I was sent down to St. Vincent's for 3 more days.  After many tests, they narrowed it down to a glioma (a tumor in my brain) or MS.

Slowly I became able to speak, walk, and gained the use of my arm.  None of it is perfect, but I am so thankful for what I got back.  A battle fatigue but I think the thing that bothers me the most is the delay between my brain and my mouth, if it even works at all sometimes!

It's funny, the things I took for granted - in the blink of an eye - weren't all that important anymore.  It very quickly boiled to basics.

#1: Where did I have God on my priority list, and

#2: The people I loved.

I wondered many times if this was a way to get my attention.  I really don't think anything else would have.  I've never blamed or gotten angry at God - I consider this a backhanded blessing. Why you might ask?

The thing is, and this is so important, this whole experience has shown me firsthand that our GOD IS A GOD OF RESTORATION.  Remember what I said about my husband and I being two ships pass in the night?  Well, he stayed at the hospital day and night, leaving only to feed our dogs.  He took 5 months off work to stay with me and be my caretaker while I recovered.  You would think that this would be an incredibly sad time but au contraire we laughed and enjoyed each other thoroughly! That laughter was so healing.

This in many ways reminded me of when we first got married with one big exception.  The thought didn’t escape me that this was the 'in sickness' part of our vows.  He had to dress me, bathe me, carry me, prepare my food, and push me from room to room in a wheelchair.  What a man I've been blessed with!  I've heard many sad stories where their spouses leave them.  God brought us closer through this.  And my parents, as well as my sister and the rest of the family rallied behind me.  My folks and I didn't speak for well over a year, hurt feelings, the Lord fixed that too, we speak on the phone a few times a week.

Since this happened I have had a lot of time for reflection.  Just God and me time.  What I want to emphasize is not to feel sorry for me, or even to think what a brave face I put on.  I'm not brave, just trusting. NOTHING will happen to me without God's permission, and who am I to argue with Him?

I appreciate prayers for healing, and I don't want to second guess God, or be accused of not having stronger faith - but the Apostle Paul called three times on the Lord for his healing,

 and the Lord said " My grace is enough for you for My strength and power are made perfect in your weakness." Paul replies, "Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weakness and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ may rest upon me!  So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased for when I'm weak then am I strong." (2 Cor.  12:8-10)

So I'm prepared for whatever He has in store for me, whether it be a miraculous healing, the ms not progressing, or progressing.  The Lord is my Strength and my Song, and He has become my Salvation; this is my GOD, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him.  (Exodus 15:2)

My favorite verses are ones that are about strength.  Surprised?  Did you think they would be on healing?

I find the way to cope is to keep my eyes on Jesus, not to worry, and not to dwell on tomorrow.  I love the scripture, "Aren't two sparrows sold for only a penny?  But your Father knows when any one of them falls to the ground.  Even the hairs on your head are counted.  So don't be afraid!  You are worth much more than many sparrows." (Matthew 10: 29-31) Every once in a while a thought might sneak in with 'what if'?  I quickly learned to stop those thoughts and go to prayer.  As I said, nothing - and I mean NOTHING can happen to me without God's permission, so all things aside I think I'm in pretty good hands, don't you agree??!!

If you don't have a personal relationship with Jesus, it's easy - just pray:

Dear Lord Jesus, I know I have done wrong and sinned, please forgive me of my sin and give me eternal life.  I now trust the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior.  Help me to be the Christian person you want me to be.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Please don’t hesitate to pray that prayer. You never know when YOUR life will change in the blink of an eye.